Really. I don’t drink copious amounts of alcohol on a regular basis, so I can’t usually blame my klutzy behavior on being tipsy. Thus, when you see me acting klutzy…that’s just me. Totally sober. For a while I aspired to be like my sister (the Sis), the graceful ballerina, but I’ve kind-of given up on that. (Kind-of…)
Actually, I have another theory.
Sometimes, I believe STRESS makes us do or say things that a normal person wouldn’t do or say. Stress negatively affects us in a variety of ways, ranging from exploding at a friend because she asked you to pass the salt (couldn’t she see I was busy?!) to tripping in public (from lack of sleep, of course).
Allow me to list just a few ways in which stress can de-rail your life:
Sentences that don’t make sense.
“My, what quiet feet you have!” Clearly an insensitive individual has snuck up on a stressed student, and the stressed student responded in a charming but unconventional way.
[To a guy]: “Your hair inspires poetry.” …No explanation. Stress level must be off the charts.
Forgetting or mentally re-arranging the times of important meetings.
You drag yourself out of the warm cocoon of bed to show up for an 8 am appointment. Realize that you’ve nearly beaten the receptionist there, as she is just setting down her coat and purse. She tells you that the business isn’t even open at 8 and she doesn’t know how you got in the building.
Increasing inability to read.
You might explain to your housemate, “Huh, this feta cheese tastes funny...kinda flavorless. Like it’s fat free or something. But I know it’s the same feta I’ve always bought.” You look bewilderedly at the plastic container.
Your housemate says, gently, as if to a child, “Um, it says FAT FREE on the label. In big blue letters.”
You stare at the container. You feel ashamed. You also wonder why anyone would buy fat free feta cheese; you might as well sprinkle snow on your food for all the flavor that fat free feta adds.
Not seeing things that are right in front of you.
Like one of those huge yellow plastic triangles that proclaims, Caution! Wet floor! You will either slip and fall on the wet floor, or you will avoid that clichéd ending and simply trip over the sign itself, sending it clattering across wet tile. In either case, you will feel like an idiot. If you’re really lucky, you’ll fall in a public place so everyone can watch.
I personally experienced ¾ of these events, and I’m quite certain that all of them were due to stress. It had absolutely nothing to do with innate clumsiness. Nothing at all.
Beware: if it happened to me, it could happen to you too. Or maybe it already has – feel free to post your own advice or experiences in the comments!